Never Say… Never Say Never

That is not a mistype, ladies and gentlemen. Never say “Never say never” has been on my heart for a few months.

I was talking with a sweet friend of mine about the marriage mentoring my husband and I do. I may have even been bragging a bit about our story and I’m sure she didn’t recieve that very well. You see, only a few minutes after telling her that I believe every single marriage has a chance, she told me her story.

My friend was married to a pastor. They were just as on-fire for marriages as my husband and I are. They had children and an entire life together and were dedicated to their works in marriage ministry as well. Guess what happened? They divorced. I’m not going to share the reasons for their divorce but I will say that the way she ended her story to me was by saying, “Never say never.”

It was like she was speaking death into my marriage and I felt fear. I was completely consumed in that moment by visions and memories of my past, my family’s past and the couples in the present we have not been able to help. She was right. It could happen to even me..

Despite what any law says, there is no such thing as a No-Fault divorce

Wait a minute! Let’s back up a second and ask a pertinent question. Why? Why do couples divorce? Why did my friend divorce?

I deeply believe in reeping what we sow and despite what any law says, there is no such thing as a no-fault divorce. That conversation left me asking myself what I’m sowing in my marriage? The fear I was feeling was from the experience I have already known from others as well as my own experience. I know that it’s possible. I know that Satan attacks where life isn’t fortified. I also know that Satan attacks where we feel safe.

I feel safe in my marriage.

My marriage is GOOD. Amazing. FORTIFIED.

But it is not safe. When we start to think of our marriage as a safe place that no one and nothing can get to, we are putting ourselves and our spouses… And our legacies in jeopardy.

On the other side of the coin, I still don’t believe divorce just happens. I think it begins with Never Saying Never.

I WILL say never. Because I will choose to replace the big “D” word with whatever pertains to the reason I might want a divorce in the moment. Maybe that word is “forgiveness” or “apology” or “love” or “vow” or “COMMITMENT.”

I want to give you permission to never say “never say never” and then truly mean it. It’s ok to not give up on the commitment that you made a little or a long time ago. Its ok to not fall into society’s “blame everyone else” mentality when things get hard. Because it will get hard (that, by the way, would be the perfect time to take responsibility for your own actions, contrary to what society says). That is guaranteed. But that never has to mean it’s over. It never has to mean that all of the hard work my husband and I have put into this marriage gets to disintegrate. And it never has to mean that I have to live in fear that someday my friend’s words will take us down.

I will choose to never say “never say never.” And you should too!

Make good choices,

Becky