Boyfriends don’t get Husband Privileges

You know me. Or maybe you don’t. But I take everything.. EVERYTHING to a deeper level. If I feel something, I feel it greater than you can ever understand. I believe this is for a purpose and I intend to use this purpose to the calling I have. So if this offends you… #sorrynotsorry

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Have you seen this going around?

I LOVE IT. Obviously it means Sex. But what else? How much deeper can we go with this? Let’s see…

We are seeing a crazy high rate of broken hearts this generation. More than any of the gens from the past. Our young people are moving from one partner to the next at epic speeds, never satisfied and thinking they deserve better. Why? Because we give too much of our hearts away too fast. Period. Not only are we millenials giving away our bodies, but the deepest part of our being to someone we’ve known for a good month, maybe.

Is there something that you know a lot about? Something that when you see it used the wrong way it sends you up the wall? It offends my SOUL when I see young women (And men) calling their boyfriend their “other half”, their “everything”….. Their SPOUSE. A boyfriend is NOT a HUSBAND. A girlfriend is NOT a WIFE. I firmly believe that a couple can live together for years, “know” every thing there is to know about the other and still not be a spouse. There’s something that happens when that marriage CONTRACT is signed. It’s kind of like…

We have such an epidemic of young people trying to grow up much faster than they are meant to. It is parents’ job to let them grow at the rate they are supposed to but instead we let the media raise our kids. Even Disney Channel (which we watch carefully in our house) has kids acting and looking older than they should.

“What does that matter? Who cares?”

I care! Because I KNOW ABOUT THIS. Because I see its effects on society every single day. These kids are no longer satisfied with the things they should be. Instead of playing with tangeable items made to invoke imagination, our kids are thrown iPads and told to be quiet… Which is super ironic considering how many parents these days are against the whole “Children are to be seen and not heard” thing.

On these iPads, children are exposed to things they shouldn’t be. Even if it’s a locked shut device, there are images the manufacturers put in place to make sure they have future customers. It may sound a bit conspiracy, but that’s marketing!

Exposed to new bigger ideas, these kids are no longer happy with regular things. They need more. And this transfers into their relationships.

Fast forward a few years when they think they are ready to date.. Nothing is good enough for them. Even if they are happy in the relationship, they can’t can’t even be content enough to call it what it is… They have to take it a step further and start referring to their mate as their other half.

I’m speaking out of experience. I’ve been there. And if you’ve ever taken our one-on-one marriage mentoring, you know what it did to my current marriage. It was a mess and made the water so murky, inconsistent and difficult to overcome that divorce was an easy option. Luckily we made a conscious effort, together, to progress through the mess to the other side. But many… MANY do not. And our society has changed through the expectations we hold our kids to.

If you are a parent of one of these “situations” or are an elder in any way close to this, listen clearly: do not let your kids go down this road. Do not stand idley by, passively watching your kids be defeated by this nonsense. Instill in them from an early age just how important their hearts are and what the difference is between a teenage romance and a TRUE Marriage. They need to hear it from you consistently and thouroughly.

They will thank you for it someday. Oh, and so will your grandkids.

Or… Do the dishes

Have you seen the guilt memes for moms? Man they’re good! They really do their job! I think that they work so well because when you’re a mom, in the trenches, completely responsible for another human life and what that human will turn out to be, you can’t see much further than the baracades themselves. Were all searching for answers because we don’t want to make a single mistake in this war on family life and childhood. Did you know that Gen Y is known for parenting “by the book”? There are more books than ever before on parenting, and more parents reading them than ever before! The problem is, the more that we search, the more we mess things up.

This is a common theme amongst moms today. It’s a nice sentiment to moms that might be a bit Type A. It serves as permission to let the dishes or laundry or floors or dusting go… For a bit… To live life. Marthas need permission to not “do it all..

But while this cute little meme sounds great and provides healing to some, it quickly becomes an excuse for moms that aren’t on top of things to let their house go… Which isn’t all that bad. Unless you’re the kid or husband that might like a clean(ish) house. The same permission is twisted to make for unhealthy family life. I know what you’re thinking. “Gosh, Becky! You always make tiny things into big things!” Just keep reading.

Marthas can take this advice and use it the way it should be used. They can put the toilet brush down for now. But something that’s missing is that MARTHAS DON’T NEED TO BE TOLD TO PICK THAT BRUSH BACK UP. They just will because something inside them tells them that it is important, even if they don’t know why. Marys need permission TO do. Sometimes we just plain have to be motivated or told to do something. That whole living life thing comes a little too easy to us (I’m such a Mary)!

Let me tell you what it’s like to be a Mary in a Martha world. Mary sat at Jesus’ feet and chose “what was better” but Martha got stuff done. Mary had some great qualities that Jesus was using to teach Martha. But What About Mary? (Ha! Get it? No??) Mary lives in Martha’s house because she was so good at living life she didn’t seem to be such a productive member of society. She was a lovely little… Mooch. People liked her reguardless but she didn’t offer much beyond a good laugh or “good feelings.”

Here’s my point, and you know it will always come back to this: We hide cookies and eat them in the closet so our kids won’t see. One reason for this craziness is because we don’t want to share. But the big reason is because we want to be a good influence, and when you’re telling your kid to eat his carrots you can’t exactly be munching cookies, amiright? What kind of children are we raising when we “choose what’s better” too many times? When we NEVER do the dishes or laundry what are we teaching the kids? Things still have to get done! And this is the way that we teach these kids this very lesson!

It’s comical to me that parents truly want their kids to be good people that can actually do things for themselves when they grow up… Yet they don’t do the things they should be teaching those kids to do in the first place! Gone are the days of changing your own oil because we have a guy for that. No longer do we have to learn how to darn and sew because we just buy new.

When are the dish-doing fairies going to be invented?

Not likely. So who’s going to do them?
What kind of an adult are you wanting to raise? Guys, this issue goes much deeper than some silly dirty plates.

Recent stats by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that the percentage of high school seniors who had a driver’s license fell from 85% in 1996 to 73% in 2010. Coincidence? No way.

We are teaching this generation that instant gratification (i.e. YOLO!) is perfectly fine. Kids no longer have to work to get the things they want. Let me re-word that; they no longer have to be patient and put forth any effort to see their friends… We have face time! The things our parents used to use to motivate us (um.. Chores!) no longer work. Could that be because we have been giving ourselves permission to make these things less worthy?

Think about it. But while thinking, do your dishes!

P.s…. don’t even get me started on stories about being that kid that was always too embarrassed to have friends over. Or the fact that your hubby more than likely likes to be comfortable in his own home. Or… The fact that kids NEED to learn that they are not always #1. But that one is for another time.

Make Good Choices,
Becky

With love, Becky

Sexting and the dangers of Hidden Apps

Recently, I was blessed to be sent to a meeting with a local detective for a NoCo police department. Most of the things he was presenting didn’t seem to have much to do with my area of concern but then… someone brought up the question about kids and Apps. And the legal ramifications of sexting and child pornography….

Before going much further I want to make a point… Did you know that our number one “issue” in Northern Colorado that detectives are fighting right now is child porn and sexual exploitation? He also linked the two together noting that kids who are involved in sexting, thinking it’s no big deal and that nothing big will ever come of it, often times end up being thrown into a prostitution scandal against their will and unable to get out. Hard to hear, right? Well that’s the main thing we are dealing with in this area and most of us have no clue.

Those Apps are a BIG deal. You can read more about which Apps to watch out for on your kids’ devices and why they are such a pressing matter HERE. 

In my opinion, I don’t think parents are as worked up about this issue as they need to be. Maybe they think that “it will never happen to OUR kids” or “We raised them better..” but the truth of the matter is simply… YOUR KIDS HAVE THEIR OWN MINDS… AND THEY’RE NOT DEVELOPED YET. We’ve gone over this before a bit in THIS POST but it all breaks down to how your kid makes choices. Teens are made to make choices in the moment, to not worry about the future, to constantly live in a place of taking risks. This is good for their development… if they make it that far. You see, they tend to have mental blocks against the things that can REALLY damage them and instead worry about the social implications. This is where basic exploiting originates. They’re too worried about what could happen in their social sphere, they throw away their world in trying to protect or improve it. It is a parent’s job to see that they LIVE and thrive. We cannot afford to allow our kids to be put on autopilot, especially when it comes to their social influence.

Parents of tweens and teens, I am calling you out! If you are simply “stuck” and may not feel like this is something you can deal with on your own, please seek counsel! Know you are not alone and that it is worth it to fight this fight! Life Choices education department will be holding a *FREE* (How much better could it get??) Parent Talk on this very topic in April (Exact date and time TBA). Keep your eyes out for the info and BE THERE!

 

Make Good Choices!

~Becky~